Joan Price Talks Out Loud: You're Never too Old to Have Great Sex -
If it's true that every generation believes it's the first to discover sex, then it's also true that the same sexual facts must be taught over and over, including the misconception that old people "just stop doing it." The truth is (here we go again) that people older than 50 (and 60, and 70, and 80) continue not only to have sex but sometimes the most mind-blowing sex of their lives. Author Joan Price is among these people. She appears Tuesday night at the Center for Sex and Culture. Price met who she considers the love of her life at age 57. (He was 64.) They had a profound connection, a great relationship, and amazing sex. She wrote a book called Better Than I Ever Expected. Yet she continued to meet older people who said their sex lives were suffering and they couldn't find help. So Price wrote Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex. (Sadly, her partner died before she completed it.)
If it's true that every generation believes it's the first to discover sex, then it's also true that the same sexual facts must be taught over and over, including the misconception that old people "just stop doing it." The truth is (here we go again) that people older than 50 (and 60, and 70, and 80) continue not only to have sex but sometimes the most mind-blowing sex of their lives. Author Joan Price is among these people. She appears Tuesday night at the Center for Sex and Culture. Price met who she considers the love of her life at age 57. (He was 64.) They had a profound connection, a great relationship, and amazing sex. She wrote a book called Better Than I Ever Expected. Yet she continued to meet older people who said their sex lives were suffering and they couldn't find help. So Price wrote Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex. (Sadly, her partner died before she completed it.)
We spoke with Price recently by phone.
What are some common misconceptions about seniors and sex?
The most common from society at large is that older people are asexual, or that they're pathetic if they are sexual. I sometimes speak with young people who react with an "ick factor" about older people having sex. So I smile and ask them, "At what age do you plan to retire your genitals?"
The most common from society at large is that older people are asexual, or that they're pathetic if they are sexual. I sometimes speak with young people who react with an "ick factor" about older people having sex. So I smile and ask them, "At what age do you plan to retire your genitals?"
What's the reaction to that?
They generally don't say anything for a moment. They stop and consider their own selves and say, "I'd never thought of it that way."
They generally don't say anything for a moment. They stop and consider their own selves and say, "I'd never thought of it that way."
What are some misconceptions older people have about themselves?
For women, many when they get older no longer feel desire, or they don't feel it in the same way they once did. So if they're never "in the mood," they figure there's no reason to have sex so they may as well give it up. But here's the revelation: At our age, when our hormones are depleted and the biological urge to reproduce is gone, that doesn't mean we're less capable of arousal and orgasm. So I advise that instead of waiting for "the mood" to strike, get started with foreplay and "warm-up," and once you get the physiological elements going the mood will follow. Several experts -- I interviewed 45 for the book -- say that this is the way: Just do it. After you get started, the mood will follow. And the more that women do this, they more they want to. If we get out of the habit, we're at risk of losing our drive. Also, sexual parts of the body are just like any other -- they work better and stay in shape when they get regular exercise. So with regular sex or masturbation, for example, we'll maintain our pelvic floor muscles, which otherwise could begin to contract and not "remember" how to relax, leading to pain.
For women, many when they get older no longer feel desire, or they don't feel it in the same way they once did. So if they're never "in the mood," they figure there's no reason to have sex so they may as well give it up. But here's the revelation: At our age, when our hormones are depleted and the biological urge to reproduce is gone, that doesn't mean we're less capable of arousal and orgasm. So I advise that instead of waiting for "the mood" to strike, get started with foreplay and "warm-up," and once you get the physiological elements going the mood will follow. Several experts -- I interviewed 45 for the book -- say that this is the way: Just do it. After you get started, the mood will follow. And the more that women do this, they more they want to. If we get out of the habit, we're at risk of losing our drive. Also, sexual parts of the body are just like any other -- they work better and stay in shape when they get regular exercise. So with regular sex or masturbation, for example, we'll maintain our pelvic floor muscles, which otherwise could begin to contract and not "remember" how to relax, leading to pain.
How about among older men?
A common challenge for men is the erection. Some older men find that erections are no longer dependable -- once they're achieved they're difficult to sustain. Applying condoms and other safer-sex supplies can compound this. Many men find this terribly embarrassing. They don't want to go to a physician, and they don't want to fail in the act, so they don't even want to try. It sets up a pattern of perpetual regress. A way around this challenge is remembering there are other ways to please a woman outside intercourse, and that doing that on occasion does not make a person less of a man. I tell them "It's time to get past the I-am-my-penis upbringing."
A common challenge for men is the erection. Some older men find that erections are no longer dependable -- once they're achieved they're difficult to sustain. Applying condoms and other safer-sex supplies can compound this. Many men find this terribly embarrassing. They don't want to go to a physician, and they don't want to fail in the act, so they don't even want to try. It sets up a pattern of perpetual regress. A way around this challenge is remembering there are other ways to please a woman outside intercourse, and that doing that on occasion does not make a person less of a man. I tell them "It's time to get past the I-am-my-penis upbringing."
On this same topic, older women often don't know how to treat a male partner who experiences this "erectile dissatisfaction." They wonder, "Should I leave him alone and get off myself?" This brings up another potential challenge: communication surrounding intimacy and sex.
Some older people have very few places to turn for answers. Almost no one in the medical profession, for example, has been trained for this. One woman I met said that after asking a question about sex, "my oncologist bolted from the room and sent in a nurse."
What do you plan to do at the Center for Sex and Culture?
I've been talking at bookstores, but is really the first place that I believe we can get really graphic. I'll start by sharing some of the questions and stories I've heard from people since the book came out. Some of those stories are dramatic, while others are funny. That discussion should lead to numerous questions from the people attending.
I've been talking at bookstores, but is really the first place that I believe we can get really graphic. I'll start by sharing some of the questions and stories I've heard from people since the book came out. Some of those stories are dramatic, while others are funny. That discussion should lead to numerous questions from the people attending.
What age groups do you expect will attend?
I've had old and young people at all of my talks, and I encourage everyone and anyone to come. Some younger people who've attended my talks have older partners, some work in the medical or psychological profession and have questions they can apply to their patients, and some just come and say "I"m here because I want to know what to expect."
I've had old and young people at all of my talks, and I encourage everyone and anyone to come. Some younger people who've attended my talks have older partners, some work in the medical or psychological profession and have questions they can apply to their patients, and some just come and say "I"m here because I want to know what to expect."
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